Veneers

A veneer is a thin layer of superior or decorative material—such as fine wood, plastic, porcelain, or stone—bonded to the surface of a cheaper, stronger, or less attractive base material. (Webster’s Dictionary)

In the work I do, I often meet new pastors in various networks. There are all-city pastors’ lunches, banquets, and fundraisers. I regularly have this experience: After exchanging the usual biographical information, we sometimes get into some of the harder things of ministry leadership. After several minutes of sharing hard and painful things, I’ll see them catch themselves and say something like: “But God works all things together for good, right?”

Veneer. 

Note the definition above, however. What they have said is true and beautiful. But it is covering something else. 

I hear these leaders say such things, as if trying to convince themselves, or as if they are uncomfortable with the idea that they might be seen as complaining.

Now, lest you think these leaders are being inauthentic, don’t blame them. I think it is a learned behavior. It’s easier to put on the veneer than it is to deal with people’s reactions to their struggle. Many of these leaders are so used to being the one delivering the good news, and expected to be “living right” that it is almost as if they are not allowed to really lament, struggle, or complain. 

I find the dictionary definition interesting for another reason. It says the veneer is often covering something stronger. It takes tremendous strength to be that person that doesn’t break down in front of others, to be the calm one, the gentle one, the kind one, the certain one in the midst of uncertainty.

Masks

My wife and I first held hands in the 1994 movie, “The Mask,” starring Jim Carrey. Romantic, I know.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s the brief plot: Carrey plays a mild-mannered bank teller who finds an ancient mask that gives him superpowers. The mask gives him confidence, allowing him to change his appearance in cartoon-like ways. In short, he becomes different as the need arises.

A lot of ministry leaders put on masks too. Again, I don’t want to come across as judging. It is simply that the role often seems to demand putting on certain attributes. For example, many caring professions demand an empathetic presence, even when “compassion fatigue” has set in deeply. 

Another example: have you ever heard someone’s “preaching or teaching voice?” It’s the voice they use when they preach that is very different than when you talk to them in conversation. We used to talk about this in preaching classes. That’s a type of mask. 

Along the lines of “The Mask” (the movie), I also see pastors and ministry leaders put on almost superhuman energy and attention when the need arises. Weeks where they are asked to teach, preach, visit, counsel, lead, meet, organize, plan, advise, pray for, and “just be present.”

I share this as someone who lived that for over 35 years in various ministry leadership roles. I know I had my veneers and masks. But I also had “my people,” the ones who had known me for decades, and in front of them, I could share without fear of judgment. Many leaders don’t have that someone. Yet a part of healthy leadership is having a person that invites exploring underneath the veneers and masks.

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