This series contains some reflections on why pastors are leaving their ministries. This is based on two-plus years of coaching dozens of pastors and ministry leaders, twenty-five years of pastoral ministry of my own, and relevant research. 

This is Part 2 of “Why the Pastors Are Leaving”:

A handful of people can make life miserable. 

If a pastor runs afoul of a few people, especially the “very important” people, watch out. This is probably true in any number of professions. But it is particularly insidious in churches. Because often, the sabotage is happening behind closed doors, and not brought to the pastors’ attention until it is too late. There are the “meetings after the meeting,” where things are discussed about the pastor’s performance 

I had the blessing of being coached by pastor and author Tod Bolsinger, who writes about this idea of “sabotage” in his book Tempered Resilience: 

“Sabotage is not the bad things that evil people do, but the human things anxious people do.”

When a pastor is seeking to lead a church while operating out of their deeply held values, it can create anxiety in the system of the church. That anxious feeling can lead some people to sabotage the work. That sabotage is often more quiet, whether it be saying “yes” publicly but not following through, withholding financial giving, or spreading narratives without all the information. Not necessarily because they wish to be divisive, but because they want things to stay the way they are. “The pastor is to blame,“ they say. And a small group of influential people in the church can soon drum up more resistance.

“Is all of this effort worth it?”

I heard some of this first during the years of 2020-2021. A pastor had served their church for decades, hoping to show people the beauty of the teachings of Jesus. And then watched his congregation belittle, demean, and painfully label one another on social media in a matter of months. 

In other words, pastors are wondering if their teaching, preaching, counseling and care of people have made any real difference.

We live in a world where people are increasingly influenced by social media, news, and whatever else their devices put in front of them. The hours spent consuming media of all kinds far eclipses the few hours spent in church, classes, or small groups. I hear the pastors make fervent calls to be “in church,” knowing that even their most faithful members are attending now far less than 2 Sundays per month. (*Though—interesting data shows that Generation Z churchgoers (born 1997-2012) are leading attendance frequency at 1.9 weekends per month).

I am hearing pastors wonder out loud whether the typical metrics of church attendance, giving, and building campaigns are actually good measures of life-change in people. But their primary training plus the system of the church are geared towards the Sunday morning gathering. So they just “try harder” to make that gathering better, get more people there. Tod Bolsinger again says here:

“The mistake good leaders make is they think they can outwork every problem. They just try harder until they’re exhausted. And they have to learn that in a crisis, you have to stop trying harder and you have to retrain for the new terrain.” 

Exploring with leaders what “retraining for new terrain” looks like is some of the most rewarding work I get to do.

If you’d like to know what I love most about coaching, click on the link below and watch this short video. I had the opportunity to speak with Ben Olsen, who led most of my coaching classes en route to my International Coaching Federation certification:

Link to Video Here

When you give to my work, you are investing in ministry leaders’ leadership health and helping to accomplish the vision of Standing Stone:  To see healthy ministries in every city transforming their communities for Christ. For my most recent impact report, click  here.

THANKS to recent gifts, I am now in need of $500 more in monthly support to reach my 2026 goal. If you, or your church, have any margin to give, OR if your workplace offers matching gifts, I’d love to be considered!

I meet and talk with over 40 pastors and ministry leaders on a regular basis.  I know of four personally that just left their roles, or are in the process of leaving.  Without breaking their trusted confidence, and including more general themes from other conversations in the past, here are some reasons I’m seeing pastors are leaving.  

They don’t feel aligned with the values of the church they serve.  

Most pastors I know were deeply formed by someone, or a particular church or ministry.  Their experience of God and their relationship to God has shaped them meaningfully. They read the Bible and see particular themes and have a special passion about teaching those themes.  They formed many values over years about what matters in ministry.  They bring those values into their context.  One problem is this: different places define the same words in very disparate ways.  Imagine this:  a pastor interviewing with a church says, “I care deeply about those in the community, and want them to experience life in Christ in this church.”  I don’t know of any board member or elder that would openly disagree with that value.  So, after much discernment, they hire that pastor, perhaps hoping that their interest in “outreach” will lead to greater attendance at the church. But the problem is when that pastor begins spending time in the neighborhood and community, and “not enough time” with church members that we have a conflict of values.  Or, if indeed the renewed interest in outreach leads to more people attending the church, some longtime members didn’t imagine it would lead to so much change of the things they held dear. 

There is much research on this, but here is an example:  in 2015, 72% of pastors reported being very satisfied in their vocation.  Recent data puts that number at about 50%, with pastors under the ageof 45 at 35%.  That satisfaction is directly tied to whether pastors feel like they are doing meaningful work that aligns with their deeply held values. 

“[T]he deeper question -whether your role is genuinely an expression of your gifts and strengths–requires a different kind of time and attention altogether. That’s the work most pastors haven’t had space to do.” Daniel Copeland, Barna’s Vice President of Research

They are tired…of conflict especially.

For a job where many think “you only work one day a week,” ministry and church leadership is exhausting.  I hear pastors talk about the feeling of “always being on.”  Pastors are expected to lead, expected to be present, and expected to be a particular kind of pastor as the circumstance dictates.  Because church members ALSO have deeply held values about what a pastor is and should be.  A beloved former pastor can cast a huge shadow for the current pastor. 

I subscribe to a publication from Christianity Today called CT Pastors.  Recently, I saw the “trending topics” on that platform.  They were:  Church Planting, Depression, Failure, Pastor’s Role, Energy, and Fun.  

According to a recent article, church conflict and burnout are the 2nd and 3rd most common reasons for pastors leaving.  (First is a “change in calling.”).  

Anecdotally, I notice that the most urgent situations that I get calls on revolve around conflict, or how to navigate a possible conflict.  Pastors have become very aware of how their leadership can bring negative feedback.  And they know that if they are trying to lead needed church change brings about conflict.  Being the leader who is blamed for “these changes” is particularly tiring.  

For the last 3 years, I’ve been meeting regularly with two other pastors, in different denominations from mine.  We were talking about recent national gatherings of our groups, and discovered the same thing:  pastors are leaving.  Pastoral church positions remain vacant. Seminaries, the schools tasked with preparing for the next generation of pastors, are declining rapidly in attendance.  (if you look into the research, a handful of seminaries are actually reporting an increase, but many historic and mainline seminaries have dropped dramatically in enrollment).  The three of us wondered what the future holds for many churches looking for pastors to lead them. 

These are just a few of the things I am hearing about why some pastors are leaving.  More to come in future posts!

Will You Give to Support This Work?

The apostle Paul wrote, “I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.” (I Corinthians 9:22).  I have a lot of different roles I play in the work I do with ministry leaders.  Sadly, I won’t be able to keep some pastors from quitting. Sometimes that may be the best decision for them and their family.  But I do hope that my presence in their lives helps them discern and work through the various issues they face in leadership and life. 

When you give to my work, you are investing in ministry leaders’ leadership health and helping to accomplish the vision of Standing Stone:  To see healthy ministries in every city transforming their communities for Christ. For my most recent impact report, click  here.

I am still in need of $700 more in monthly support to reach my 2026 goal.  If you, or your church, have any margin to give, OR if your workplace offers matching gifts, I’d love to be considered!

I preached at a local church a couple of weeks ago, helping a pastor who was on vacation.  They were doing a series on the book of Psalms, and the text was Psalm 69:  

Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.

I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. 

I have come into the deep waters, the floods engulf me.

I shared with that congregation that I hear this kind of language often from pastors and ministry leaders.  In my coaching training, we were taught to listen for metaphors like these:  “I feel like I’m barely able to keep my head above water.” Or, “I feel like I’m just treading water, but am not sure how much longer I can keep doing that.” 

Coaching with metaphors can be powerful.  By diving deeper into them, I can ask questions like these:  “What is causing these waves for you right now?”  And, “Who is in the water with you?”  Moving forward, I can ask, “What is the nearest source of land?”  “How would you begin to move towards that?”  

Beyond those metaphors, read the entire text of Psalm 69.  Much of the psalm speaks of the feeling of drowning coming from the insults, taunts, and accusations of enemies.  The “zeal for the house of the Lord” brings about a particular kind of leadership loneliness.  Leaders are misunderstood,  often accused of false motives in trying to change things too often and too quickly. 

I have met with leaders who didn’t even know they had “enemies” until they were told that their organization was “moving in a different direction,” or “needed a leadership change.”   It is incredibly hard to make the transitions out of the very places where we invest and find our community for years.  For those that find themselves “tossed in these waves,” hear the hopeful words of the end of Psalm 69:

The Lord hears the needy…God will save…and rebuild.

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Once upon a time, I used to keep “owner’s manuals.”  Remember those? I had a stack of manuals for a TV, a fridge, a lawnmower, and much, much more.  Usually I only had to consult them when something was broken–if I remembered where I stored the manuals!

Today we just scan QR codes.  For new purchases, there are no manuals. I get it—a digital owner’s manual means help is always accessible.

It made me think.  When it comes to organizational leadership in most settings, there are no manuals and no QR codes. Sure, there are policy papers, personnel handbooks, and onboarding documents.  But those are insufficient for handling things like burnout, staff conflicts and team dynamics. How do leaders get help when something is broken?

When things get broken on a team, in an organization, or in a leader’s personal life, there is no manual.  

I recently bought a transcribing device. The QR code digital manual informed me that an amber-colored blinking light indicates a battery problem.  

The problem of leadership is that we don’t often have lights flashing at us that we know exactly what the problem is.  Maybe the issue is people not coming to meetings, or attending worship, or answering emails or giving enough to sustain current programs. If only there were a flashing amber light to tell leaders why these things are happening.  Without a clear flashing light, many leaders jump to one of two conclusions: It’s my fault or it’s their fault.

“It’s my fault” thinking causes leaders to question their own character, worth or calling. “It’s their fault” thinking causes leaders to question the character intent and faithfulness of those they serve.

I have noticed this with leaders:  often their first thought is what they go with, because discomfort in themselves or their team is uncomfortable.  They want to fix it, and fast.  But, if they will listen to my next question:  “What else could it be?” they may find their first thought is not the only thought, or the best thought.  

My new device’s digital manual even has multiple options for addressing a particular problem.  The manual said:  If the first solution does not solve the problem, try a “hard reset.”  This is wise advice for leaders of any organization.  That is, they must be willing to explore a number of solutions to the perceived problems, even when it means living in some discomfort.  Organizational problems are rarely simple, and there is no manual.

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

A song from 1965 might be what pastors are singing in 2026.  At least to themselves. According to the latest research from the Barna Group, pastors are reporting less emotional strain than a decade ago.  That’s the good news.  However, they are reporting less satisfaction in their job.  Barna research showed that 72% of pastors were “very satisfied” with their role in 2015, but now, only 52% respond that same way.  

I recently had the opportunity to share some different findings among the pastors I serve as a chaplain.  I asked 63 pastors in our region a series of questions about their personal finances, sabbatical and rest, and the tensions they experience in their ministry context.  About half of the pastors responded anonymously to the survey.  Like the Barna research, there was good news and not-so-good news.

• Most pastors reported alignment with what their leadership expected of them, and what they found most meaningful in ministry.  
• Over 80% of the pastors surveyed reported being “very stable” or “somewhat stable” in their finances—though there were those among the group who were struggling.  
• Preaching, teaching, and discipleship were the aspects that most pastors found personally meaningful.
• Yet pastors felt tension between what they found meaningful and some of the expectations of the church.  Specifically in areas of being focused on the community versus an internal focus; and, on the vision and direction for the church.  Close behind those was the tension between completing administrative tasks and needing to do pastoral care. 

I’m certainly not going to explain the results of a much larger study (Barna) with a smaller one (mine).  But I am curious if the satisfaction level of pastors might be tied to one of the findings.  In a recent 60 minute presentation I got to give to my fellow pastors, I spoke about the number of “hats” pastors are expected to wear in any given day.  And, how their ideas of what ministry would be in their early years have changed drastically from what they found themselves doing now.   The constant switching from one “hat” to another can be exhausting, especially when the “hat” doesn’t fit well.  Every pastor and leader I meet with admits to feeling inadequate in certain areas of their role.  On top of that, the daily tension of what they hope to do in ministry versus what is being asked or expected of them—could these things be at the root of a lack of satisfaction? 

The lyrics of “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” do ring true. We try, and we try, and we try.  I get to walk alongside these leaders. At times, I am challenging what they mean by “satisfaction.” Other times. I am encouraging them to try something different in how they approach their leadership. And maybe, just maybe…they’ll start singing a different tune.

(If this song gets stuck in your head for a few days, you’re welcome!) 

Thank you for being a part of this work!

Image credit: Album Cover art can be obtained from London 45-LON 9766 (US and Canada) / Decca F12220., Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1055277

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Actually, it was the other way around.  

It was a venture capitalist first that made me listen to a speech by Jerry Seinfeld.  But whatever. 

Bill Gurley is a venture capitalist who has been behind early investment in companies like Uber, Snapchat, Twitter, Zillow, and OpenTable (but famously missed on Google!).  I heard him interviewed on a podcast recently.   The title intrigued me:  “Why You Shouldn’t Chase Your Passion.”  In that interview, I learned a lot about Bill, his work as a venture capitalist, and taking risks.  It turns out his advice about not “chasing your passion” had more to do with how the word passion is understood currently:  “I think the word passion has become cliché-ish and a bit overused. And because it’s been overused, it makes it quick for people to reject.”  He then mentioned something about a speech by comedian Jerry Seinfeld. 

Well, listening to that made me want to find the original source. After all, I am the son of a research librarian. Thanks mom! So I found the original speech given by Jerry Seinfeld at Duke University. You can find the entire speech here. 

In it, Seinfeld urged the graduates to find something other than passion:

“Let go of this idea that you have to find this one great thing that is “my passion, my great passion…” … Just be willing to do your work as hard as you can with the ability you have. … Find fascination. Fascination is way better than passion.”

Is this just semantics?  A new word meaning the same thing?  Maybe.  But fascination carries with it the idea of being committed to a lifelong, studious, methodical enthusiasm and curiosity.   I found myself able to answer this question fairly quickly:  What fascinates me?

I am fascinated by people.  Why do they do the things they do?  Why do they believe the things they do?  What are their hopes and fears?  What keeps them from making the changes they know will be better for them? 

As I think back, I have been like this for a long time.  I studied psychology in college, remembering then how interested I was in what motivated people.   Initially, I thought I might like to do advertising because I was curious about what motivated people to make decisions to try new products.  Then I added a public policy emphasis to my studies because I was curious about how the motivation of people could be tied to helping solve societal problems, and how organizational psychology plays a role in systems and change.  Tying that together with a fairly new found faith made me consider ministry.  A few part-time jobs and a couple of internships later, and a graduate degree in “Divinity” (how pretentious does that degree sound?), I found myself in ministry to college students, which is a truly fascinating age group!  

Now I’ve come full circle.  I’ve left behind much of the responsibilities of pastoral ministry after 25 years.  Most of my days, I am listening to and talking with people.  Leaders of organizations, pastors of churches, staff members of non-profits, and professionals.  When people ask me how I’m enjoying my new role, I say, “I love it.”  And I think Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gurley helped me put language to why.  It is because people are fascinating.  Their stories, their dreams, their failures, their losses, their accomplishments.

As I listen, care for, and coach people, I get a front-row seat to watch people overcome challenges, drown out their inner critic, lean into their giftedness, solve real problems that help others, and much, much more.  

So, what about you?

What do you find fascinating?

What do you like learning about that you would spend your spare time learning it?

What makes you most curious?

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

When I began this work two years ago, I would have never imagined that it would lead to coaching leaders in several different countries, all due to a long friendship of over 30 years with someone who serves as a Vice President for Asia Pacific of a large ministry organization.  Kelsey and I were invited to come to a summit of Young Life’s Asia Pacific division, which encompassed nearly 250 people joining from 23 different countries.  Besides the extraordinary natural beauty of Thailand, and its delicious food(!), several things struck me:

1. When I led a seminar on coaching for leaders, and mentioned “leadership is lonely,” I saw many heads nodding.  As translators finished translating to their group, I saw even more heads nodding.  It seems that no matter the culture, language, or context, there is something about being in a leadership position that feels lonely.  Having someone to listen, ask questions, and challenge our thinking and assumptions is crucial to mitigating that loneliness.  I spent 45 minutes sharing what coaching is and isn’t.  I opened up the time for questions, and one leader asked a good question.  I responded by asking what he had already tried in the situation (a coaching question), and after a couple of rounds of doing this, the group started to laugh.  They got what I was doing!  I was giving an example of me not being “the expert,” but turning it back to the leader to see what they would do.  It was amazing to watch 25 people from a variety of languages and cultures interact with the material, “getting it,” and seeing how it practically could help their teams and the youth they served.  
2. There is something about the way that Young Life has done its work that is lasting, and transcends culture.  When I was a sixteen-year-old kid in Seattle, I went to gatherings that had roughly the same format as what I just experienced last week in Thailand.  There is abundant laughter and joy, and there are skits, music, and messages of hope.  I am fascinated by organizational culture, and it was incredible to see how Young Life’s culture has carried through over 60 years, and now encompasses so many nations, cultures, and languages.  
3. This is more personal.  Most of you know that I was diagnosed with celiac disease about 10 years ago, which requires me to be completely gluten-free in eating.  I was a bit nervous about traveling to a foreign country, being able to communicate that need, and what I would get to eat!  Most of the time, when attending a large pastors’ lunch here in the US, I get a bland piece of chicken breast, and some overcooked vegetable.  I’ve gotten used to it.  Well, in Thailand, it seemed that asking the chef for “gluten free” meant that they got to work exploring all kinds of dishes.  It was almost embarrassing for Kelsey and me (who also eats gluten-free now) to be served dish after dish after dish of amazing food.  (see the pic below)

Will You Support This?

Now even more of your giving goes directly to my personal support.  My work with Standing Stone is my main source of income, and some family costs, like college tuition, have increased recently. That is why I am trying to raise an additional $1,000 each month in support.  The number of my coaching relationships is increasing, and more leaders are wanting to receive coaching through Standing Stone because their budget does not allow for them to pay for coaching.  If you already give, and have margin this year to increase your gift, I would love to talk with you!  If you, or your organization you work with have budgets for giving, I’d love to talk with you as well.  I cannot do this work without the generosity of others!  

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

“I’ve learned how to do ‘just enough.’”  This was an honest confession from a leader I met with recently, who has been in a particular role for some time.  They weren’t proud of this confession; rather, they knew something was wrong. 

I’ve been writing the last few times about when we might know we need a change.  Change in how we do our work, and what we do for work.   

We might need a change:

When our body is telling us to.

When we aren’t celebrating what everyone else is celebrating.

And, when we find ourselves doing just enough, but not bringing our best, creative selves to our work. 

Leadership in every sphere of work is hard and can be lonely.  The feeling of always being “on” is tiring.  That exhaustion can be compounded by the expectation that we place on ourselves, or that we feel others have of us. That expectation includes the thought that we must lead every meeting and gathering, have the answer, and know how to navigate unforeseen situations.

After years of running at a fast pace, I often hear of leaders confess to trying to do “just enough.”  Whether it is preparing a sermon, presentation, paper, or report, they have learned the short-cuts and time-saving tools that gets the job done, “just enough.”  At the same time, I hear a bit of remorse and regret as they talk about this. They have learned that they can’t dedicate the time they want to all these things, and don’t feel like they have been at their most creative.  

Workplace research uses terms like “low engagement,” or “quiet quitting.” One model speaks of the relationship between job demands and resources (the JD-R model).  When the demands of one’s job far outweigh the employee’s perceived resources for autonomy, feedback, or development, that employee is more likely to disengage or do “just enough.”  This workplace studies claim that the results for an organization can be extremely detrimental, as it leads to stagnant growth, lack of innovation, and poor team morale. 

Noticing this “just enough” mentality is the first step.  Digging deeper into the “why” is crucial.  Is it a perceived lack of control of the demands of our work?  That is, do we find ourselves constantly reacting to what is being asked of us, but not having any agency or initiative? Or, is it a sign that it is time for a change?  

An Honest Plea For Support

I am able to offer this coaching and care for leaders for free because of the generosity of people like you.  Due to recent changes in some people’s capacity to give, I am in need of additional support this year to keep this work going.  My goal is $1,000 per month in new or increased support.  If you have never given to this work, I’d love to talk to you personally about it and ask for your support. If you are able to increase your monthly gift, would you please consider that as well?  There is a link below to give.

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

“Look, the place is full again!”

A board member told this to a pastor, who was telling me the story.  They were standing in the back of their Sunday morning gathering.  The board member had an excited look on their face, clapping the pastor on the back as he said it. And the pastor told me, “And I didn’t feel anything.”

Last time I wrote, I spoke about how we know it might be time for a change.  Change  in how we approach our work, our boundaries in work and life, or when ultimately it might be time to leave.  In Part 1 of this series, I wrote about how our health might be a sign of the need to change.  In Part 2, I want to talk about noticing what we celebrate.

The story above is true, and came in the context of the years following 2021, where attendance at church had taken a deep dive in this church.  A few years later, the pastor was noticing how much his fellow staff and leadership was concerned with “getting people back in the building.”  When a board member celebrated that day where it seemed like “people were back,” this pastor noticed his lack of excitement about it.  

He told me, “I found myself saying, “So what?”  

There is nothing wrong with more people coming to a church.  There is nothing inherently wrong with growth in an organization.  But if numerical growth is the primary value, and the leadership does not share that same value, then that is a recipe for a problem.  This pastor shared with me that he no longer was motivated by the crowd, and didn’t know what to do with that. 

I recently read an article in Inc. that spoke of “surface acting” in organizations.  Surface acting “involves employees and business leaders either adopting emotional responses to what they believe are required of them in workplace settings, or quashing the display of sincere feelings they fear may not be professionally well received. It turns out all that careful adjusting and censorship of internal reactions on the job often proves to be exhausting.”

In other words, feigning excitement for the sake of the organization wears people out.  In the work I do with pastors and organizational leaders, I hear them speak of this, even if they don’t use the words “surface acting.”  The values and priorities of the organization seem to may initially resonate with the individual, but as time passes, each leader may begin to change their priorities.  

I’m working with a number of younger leaders, who first began their work because they loved a particular part of it—meeting with young people, or teaching and helping people learn in smaller settings.  But, as the leader is recognized for their work and gifts, they often “move up” in their responsibilities, which ironically takes them further and further away from what they first loved.  

At first read, this might appear to be the “natural” growth that comes with leadership. But when leaders find themselves “surface acting,” and no longer able to honestly celebrate what the organization is celebrating, it may be time for a change. 

Can you identify what you celebrate in your work?

An Honest Plea For Support

I am able to offer this coaching and care for leaders for free because of the generosity of people like you.  Due to recent changes in some people’s capacity to give, I am in need of additional support this year to keep this work going.  My goal is $1,000 per month in new or increased support.  If you have never given to this work, I’d love to talk to you personally about it and ask for your support. If you are able to increase your monthly gift, would you please consider that as well?  There is a link below to give.

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

When I ask, “Is it time for a change?” I mean it could be several things:

Change of schedule. 

Change of priorities.   

Change of job description.  

Change of role.  

Change of career.

Change by leaving where you are.

Now, I understand that many of us do not have the control to change much of the above.   I also acknowledge the “stuck-ness” many of us feel because we have responsibilities—family, home, financial obligations and realities. Not to mention the fact that we may have invested years of education and training into a career, only to find it different than what we expected. Or, we have climbed the “ladder” of our career, and found the rung we are on is nothing like we enjoyed in the beginning.  Change has a real cost, and in some cases, may not be possible. 

Still, based on conversations with leaders in various spheres–non-profits, business, and the church–and in reflecting on several transitions I’ve had in my life, I’ve heard some recurring themes when people are considering or needing a change.  

When our physical health is telling us to.  

One leader spoke of feeling their heart rate increase as they approached their office after some time away.  They felt a change in their body.  Other leaders report feeling a constant tightness in their chest, butterflies in their stomach, or lack of appetite while at work.   

Recent data by the Barna group:

Physical, emotional and mental health among pastors is lower than the general population…and notably behind practicing Christians. This is especially alarming since a leader’s wholeness is intertwined with their ministry, for better or for worse. Barna researchers have observed a strong link between pastors’ falling conviction in their vocational calling and a drop in their overall mental, emotional and even physical well-being. Pastors with diminished well-being may have a higher risk of burnout.  (see report here)

In my 25 years of being a pastor, I remember thinking that things like working out or taking time for exercise felt “selfish” amidst the many needs of people we were serving.  I’m sure the same is true for people in other professions.  Organizational culture may reward those who sacrifice everything for the mission, to the neglect of other priorities, even one’s health.  

Truth be told—a lot of us have learned to ignore or push past the physical signs until it’s simply not possible any more.  We say, “I don’t have time to be sick,”  and fuel ourselves with over-the-counter medications to mask the symptoms. Though intellectually we may agree that we are created in God’s image, with body, mind, and spirit, we often prioritize the mind or spirit and push past the signals our bodies may be sending.  

When was the last time you noticed what your body was telling you?

What are the signs you pay attention to that inform you that you’re pushing yourself too hard?

What do you want to change when it comes to your health?

THANK YOU!

I began raising financial support for this work in late 2023.  Now, as I begin 2026, I remain fully supported thanks to partners like you.  I will be needing to raise additional support in a few months, as several partners have had to change their giving over the past two years.  Thank you for making this work possible!

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Two years ago, I was preparing to preach my last sermon as senior pastor at Fremont Presbyterian Church, on Christmas Eve 2023 (the picture is from that very day!).  For 25 years, all I had trained for and worked in was that kind of work: being a pastor in a ministry or local church.  I had felt a longing to help those who were doing that kind of work, knowing very well what it was like.  I hoped to be “a pastor to pastors.” I know the challenges, joys, times of loneliness, having a sense of purpose and receiving affirmation, and much more. Two years ago, I didn’t know exactly what that work would look like, or who would want or need it.  

I see things differently now!  I am reminded of the words of Paul in his letter to the Ephesians:  

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…”

As we come to the end of 2025, I want to THANK YOU for considering supporting me in helping make my work possible.  You know I can’t share names, details, or photos of the people I’m caring for and coaching.  The confidentiality is important.  But the stories I hear are tragic, joyful, bewildering, inspiring, and hopeful. I often hear phrases like this:

“You’re the first person I’ve told this to…”

“I’ve never said this to anyone before.”

“I didn’t know who I could trust.”

I am now meeting on at least a monthly basis with: 

30 leaders, in 9 U.S. states and 4 countries.

They are:

10 associate pastors

9 senior or lead pastors

1 church planter

3 work in the marketplace

7 work in parachurch or other non-profit

I often receive calls from pastors, just needing to talk, run a leadership challenge by me, or celebrate a new development.

I check-in monthly with an additional sixteen leaders who serve with Standing Stone, in a new role as an Area Leader.  

I help lead two cohorts that meet monthly for encouragement and training.  One is a group of local pastors, and the other is a group of younger leaders who serve in various leadership roles in local non-profits. 

I am assisting an organization called The Barnabas Group vet new non-profits, both locally and internationally, that receive support and organizational problem-solving from local business leaders.  I also facilitate “ideation sessions,” where 8-10 business leaders help the executive directors of these non-profits move their organization forward in its mission.

Looking ahead to 2026!

Would you consider helping this work in 2026?  In order to keep up with what I’m doing, I have a goal of 10 new monthly donors in 2026.  

I understand that some people like to give one-time a year, and I would welcome annual giving as well!

If you serve an organization that can give matching gifts, would you consider asking?

If you serve a church with a budget to give towards new ministry, would you consider adding Standing Stone as a partner?  

If you’ve been blessed with a surplus in 2025, perhaps part of it could help support this work?

Please go to my giving page:

Burke, David

Look for a new Christmas picture of our whole family sometime soon!  We are traveling out to visit Hudson, my mom, and brother in the Washington, D.C. area for Christmas this year, and will take a new picture then!

Merry Christmas!

After being away from home for 13 out of the last 24 days, it is good to be home.

My time away has been both personal and professional:

• Speaking at a men’s retreat in Lake Tahoe for two churches.

• Parents’ weekend at San Diego State University, visiting our daughter McLean

• Speaking at a pastors’ retreat for 25 leaders in Grass Valley, CA.  

• Performing a wedding for a good friend in Pasadena, while squeezing in dinner with our son Crew (and roommate Eric!) at UCLA. 

Each place was beautiful in its own way.  But home is where I love to be.

When we are away from the place where we have a routine and a certain amount of the comforts of home, we begin to long for those things.  

When I spoke to the pastors at their retreat, one of the things we talked about was how hard it was for them to be “on” in so many places and for so many people.  I think one of the beautiful things about home is that we can let that go away for a time.  We talked about finding people and places where you feel “at home.”   

My hope is to be a place of “home” in conversation with these leaders.  Where they can be fully themselves.  Where they don’t have to be on.  Where they can relax and let go of the anxiety of leadership for a while.

Thank you for making this work possible.  As I approach the end of the year, I still need $25,000 in one-time or renewed annual giving to remain fully funded.  Many generous people helped me get there in 2024, and I hope that new people will join in this partnership to help leaders stay healthy and lead healthy work for their churches, non-profits and businesses.  If you as an individual, or your church, organization, or business, would like to support this work, I’d love to talk to you!      

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Ok, stay with me here. This is going down the rabbit hole of my brain a bit. I swear I remember watching “The Super Friends” cartoon as a kid, and I thought villain Lex Luthor said, “Resistance is Futile.” He and his cronies in the Legion of Doom were trying to take over a city, or the planet Earth, and they broadcast their sinister plot over some loudspeaker to the innocent citizenry. Side note: I often get mocked by my peers when I admit that my favorite SuperFriend was Green Lantern. The movie starring Ryan Reynolds didn’t help my cause at all. Just check out the reviews. Why did I like the Green Lantern? I don’t know, maybe because he wasn’t one of the main characters but often helped in key situations. Maybe it was the fact that it was whatever he imagined that turned into reality. I’ve got the Green Lantern T-shirt and everything. Anyway, back to Lex Luthor and “Resistance is Futile.” Turns out, Lex Luthor didn’t say that, if all the search engines and AI can be trusted. That phrase is attributed to the Borg in the Star Trek: Next Generation series, which I watched a little, but I grew up with the original Star Trek, with William Shatner playing James T. Kirk, Leonard Nimoy playing Spock, etc. So it wasn’t in SuperFriends. I got the villain part right.

The point is, I’ve been thinking about the idea of “resistance” a bit. I’m meeting with a number of leaders who are encountering different forms of resistance. They may be trying to bring change into their organization. They may be trying to create culture in a start-up. And it isn’t going the way they thought. I think that sometimes as leaders, we believe that when we announce our plans or vision, we expect everyone to immediately get on board and applaud our creativity. I know I didn’t understand that resistance is a natural part of leading change. Author and speaker Tod Bolsinger uses the word “sabotage” to describe this phenomenon. Sabotage sounds extreme, but listen to this quote:

“Sabotage is where people prefer the status quo to the transformation. And they resist the very transformation they’re asking you to leave them in...Sabotage is not the bad thing that evil people do, it is the human thing that anxious people do.“*

Encountering resistance is to be expected when we lead. It would be in our best interest not to try and Lex Luthor or “Borg it,” and just tell people that “resistance is futile.” Rather, as leaders, we begin to understand that resistance to change is natural and human, and can be a result of anxiety. It would be good for us to be curious about the resistance. What is this change bringing to people? What is it that people are concerned they might lose?

One of the great joys I have in coaching leaders is in letting them know this: that resistance is just what anxious people do. It is wise for us to learn from those feeling anxious about the change. The presence of resistance can be a call for us to examine exactly how we can take what is in our leadership imagination and turn it into a reality that brings health and growth. Hmmm…taking something imagined and making it a reality. It’s a little like being the Green Lantern.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

*https://careynieuwhof.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/CNLP_629-–With_Tod-Bolsinger.mp3.pdf. I also found Tod Bolsinger’s blog, written over 15 years ago(!) on disappointing people in leadership and expecting sabotage to be very helpful. https://bolsinger.blogs.com/weblog/2010/05/friendly-fire-the-prize-for-good-disappointing-leadership.html