Actually, it was the other way around.  

It was a venture capitalist first that made me listen to a speech by Jerry Seinfeld.  But whatever. 

Bill Gurley is a venture capitalist who has been behind early investment in companies like Uber, Snapchat, Twitter, Zillow, and OpenTable (but famously missed on Google!).  I heard him interviewed on a podcast recently.   The title intrigued me:  “Why You Shouldn’t Chase Your Passion.”  In that interview, I learned a lot about Bill, his work as a venture capitalist, and taking risks.  It turns out his advice about not “chasing your passion” had more to do with how the word passion is understood currently:  “I think the word passion has become cliché-ish and a bit overused. And because it’s been overused, it makes it quick for people to reject.”  He then mentioned something about a speech by comedian Jerry Seinfeld. 

Well, listening to that made me want to find the original source. After all, I am the son of a research librarian. Thanks mom! So I found the original speech given by Jerry Seinfeld at Duke University. You can find the entire speech here. 

In it, Seinfeld urged the graduates to find something other than passion:

“Let go of this idea that you have to find this one great thing that is “my passion, my great passion…” … Just be willing to do your work as hard as you can with the ability you have. … Find fascination. Fascination is way better than passion.”

Is this just semantics?  A new word meaning the same thing?  Maybe.  But fascination carries with it the idea of being committed to a lifelong, studious, methodical enthusiasm and curiosity.   I found myself able to answer this question fairly quickly:  What fascinates me?

I am fascinated by people.  Why do they do the things they do?  Why do they believe the things they do?  What are their hopes and fears?  What keeps them from making the changes they know will be better for them? 

As I think back, I have been like this for a long time.  I studied psychology in college, remembering then how interested I was in what motivated people.   Initially, I thought I might like to do advertising because I was curious about what motivated people to make decisions to try new products.  Then I added a public policy emphasis to my studies because I was curious about how the motivation of people could be tied to helping solve societal problems, and how organizational psychology plays a role in systems and change.  Tying that together with a fairly new found faith made me consider ministry.  A few part-time jobs and a couple of internships later, and a graduate degree in “Divinity” (how pretentious does that degree sound?), I found myself in ministry to college students, which is a truly fascinating age group!  

Now I’ve come full circle.  I’ve left behind much of the responsibilities of pastoral ministry after 25 years.  Most of my days, I am listening to and talking with people.  Leaders of organizations, pastors of churches, staff members of non-profits, and professionals.  When people ask me how I’m enjoying my new role, I say, “I love it.”  And I think Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gurley helped me put language to why.  It is because people are fascinating.  Their stories, their dreams, their failures, their losses, their accomplishments.

As I listen, care for, and coach people, I get a front-row seat to watch people overcome challenges, drown out their inner critic, lean into their giftedness, solve real problems that help others, and much, much more.  

So, what about you?

What do you find fascinating?

What do you like learning about that you would spend your spare time learning it?

What makes you most curious?

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

When I began this work two years ago, I would have never imagined that it would lead to coaching leaders in several different countries, all due to a long friendship of over 30 years with someone who serves as a Vice President for Asia Pacific of a large ministry organization.  Kelsey and I were invited to come to a summit of Young Life’s Asia Pacific division, which encompassed nearly 250 people joining from 23 different countries.  Besides the extraordinary natural beauty of Thailand, and its delicious food(!), several things struck me:

1. When I led a seminar on coaching for leaders, and mentioned “leadership is lonely,” I saw many heads nodding.  As translators finished translating to their group, I saw even more heads nodding.  It seems that no matter the culture, language, or context, there is something about being in a leadership position that feels lonely.  Having someone to listen, ask questions, and challenge our thinking and assumptions is crucial to mitigating that loneliness.  I spent 45 minutes sharing what coaching is and isn’t.  I opened up the time for questions, and one leader asked a good question.  I responded by asking what he had already tried in the situation (a coaching question), and after a couple of rounds of doing this, the group started to laugh.  They got what I was doing!  I was giving an example of me not being “the expert,” but turning it back to the leader to see what they would do.  It was amazing to watch 25 people from a variety of languages and cultures interact with the material, “getting it,” and seeing how it practically could help their teams and the youth they served.  
2. There is something about the way that Young Life has done its work that is lasting, and transcends culture.  When I was a sixteen-year-old kid in Seattle, I went to gatherings that had roughly the same format as what I just experienced last week in Thailand.  There is abundant laughter and joy, and there are skits, music, and messages of hope.  I am fascinated by organizational culture, and it was incredible to see how Young Life’s culture has carried through over 60 years, and now encompasses so many nations, cultures, and languages.  
3. This is more personal.  Most of you know that I was diagnosed with celiac disease about 10 years ago, which requires me to be completely gluten-free in eating.  I was a bit nervous about traveling to a foreign country, being able to communicate that need, and what I would get to eat!  Most of the time, when attending a large pastors’ lunch here in the US, I get a bland piece of chicken breast, and some overcooked vegetable.  I’ve gotten used to it.  Well, in Thailand, it seemed that asking the chef for “gluten free” meant that they got to work exploring all kinds of dishes.  It was almost embarrassing for Kelsey and me (who also eats gluten-free now) to be served dish after dish after dish of amazing food.  (see the pic below)

Will You Support This?

Now even more of your giving goes directly to my personal support.  My work with Standing Stone is my main source of income, and some family costs, like college tuition, have increased recently. That is why I am trying to raise an additional $1,000 each month in support.  The number of my coaching relationships is increasing, and more leaders are wanting to receive coaching through Standing Stone because their budget does not allow for them to pay for coaching.  If you already give, and have margin this year to increase your gift, I would love to talk with you!  If you, or your organization you work with have budgets for giving, I’d love to talk with you as well.  I cannot do this work without the generosity of others!  

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

“I’ve learned how to do ‘just enough.’”  This was an honest confession from a leader I met with recently, who has been in a particular role for some time.  They weren’t proud of this confession; rather, they knew something was wrong. 

I’ve been writing the last few times about when we might know we need a change.  Change in how we do our work, and what we do for work.   

We might need a change:

When our body is telling us to.

When we aren’t celebrating what everyone else is celebrating.

And, when we find ourselves doing just enough, but not bringing our best, creative selves to our work. 

Leadership in every sphere of work is hard and can be lonely.  The feeling of always being “on” is tiring.  That exhaustion can be compounded by the expectation that we place on ourselves, or that we feel others have of us. That expectation includes the thought that we must lead every meeting and gathering, have the answer, and know how to navigate unforeseen situations.

After years of running at a fast pace, I often hear of leaders confess to trying to do “just enough.”  Whether it is preparing a sermon, presentation, paper, or report, they have learned the short-cuts and time-saving tools that gets the job done, “just enough.”  At the same time, I hear a bit of remorse and regret as they talk about this. They have learned that they can’t dedicate the time they want to all these things, and don’t feel like they have been at their most creative.  

Workplace research uses terms like “low engagement,” or “quiet quitting.” One model speaks of the relationship between job demands and resources (the JD-R model).  When the demands of one’s job far outweigh the employee’s perceived resources for autonomy, feedback, or development, that employee is more likely to disengage or do “just enough.”  This workplace studies claim that the results for an organization can be extremely detrimental, as it leads to stagnant growth, lack of innovation, and poor team morale. 

Noticing this “just enough” mentality is the first step.  Digging deeper into the “why” is crucial.  Is it a perceived lack of control of the demands of our work?  That is, do we find ourselves constantly reacting to what is being asked of us, but not having any agency or initiative? Or, is it a sign that it is time for a change?  

An Honest Plea For Support

I am able to offer this coaching and care for leaders for free because of the generosity of people like you.  Due to recent changes in some people’s capacity to give, I am in need of additional support this year to keep this work going.  My goal is $1,000 per month in new or increased support.  If you have never given to this work, I’d love to talk to you personally about it and ask for your support. If you are able to increase your monthly gift, would you please consider that as well?  There is a link below to give.

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

“Look, the place is full again!”

A board member told this to a pastor, who was telling me the story.  They were standing in the back of their Sunday morning gathering.  The board member had an excited look on their face, clapping the pastor on the back as he said it. And the pastor told me, “And I didn’t feel anything.”

Last time I wrote, I spoke about how we know it might be time for a change.  Change  in how we approach our work, our boundaries in work and life, or when ultimately it might be time to leave.  In Part 1 of this series, I wrote about how our health might be a sign of the need to change.  In Part 2, I want to talk about noticing what we celebrate.

The story above is true, and came in the context of the years following 2021, where attendance at church had taken a deep dive in this church.  A few years later, the pastor was noticing how much his fellow staff and leadership was concerned with “getting people back in the building.”  When a board member celebrated that day where it seemed like “people were back,” this pastor noticed his lack of excitement about it.  

He told me, “I found myself saying, “So what?”  

There is nothing wrong with more people coming to a church.  There is nothing inherently wrong with growth in an organization.  But if numerical growth is the primary value, and the leadership does not share that same value, then that is a recipe for a problem.  This pastor shared with me that he no longer was motivated by the crowd, and didn’t know what to do with that. 

I recently read an article in Inc. that spoke of “surface acting” in organizations.  Surface acting “involves employees and business leaders either adopting emotional responses to what they believe are required of them in workplace settings, or quashing the display of sincere feelings they fear may not be professionally well received. It turns out all that careful adjusting and censorship of internal reactions on the job often proves to be exhausting.”

In other words, feigning excitement for the sake of the organization wears people out.  In the work I do with pastors and organizational leaders, I hear them speak of this, even if they don’t use the words “surface acting.”  The values and priorities of the organization seem to may initially resonate with the individual, but as time passes, each leader may begin to change their priorities.  

I’m working with a number of younger leaders, who first began their work because they loved a particular part of it—meeting with young people, or teaching and helping people learn in smaller settings.  But, as the leader is recognized for their work and gifts, they often “move up” in their responsibilities, which ironically takes them further and further away from what they first loved.  

At first read, this might appear to be the “natural” growth that comes with leadership. But when leaders find themselves “surface acting,” and no longer able to honestly celebrate what the organization is celebrating, it may be time for a change. 

Can you identify what you celebrate in your work?

An Honest Plea For Support

I am able to offer this coaching and care for leaders for free because of the generosity of people like you.  Due to recent changes in some people’s capacity to give, I am in need of additional support this year to keep this work going.  My goal is $1,000 per month in new or increased support.  If you have never given to this work, I’d love to talk to you personally about it and ask for your support. If you are able to increase your monthly gift, would you please consider that as well?  There is a link below to give.

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

When I ask, “Is it time for a change?” I mean it could be several things:

Change of schedule. 

Change of priorities.   

Change of job description.  

Change of role.  

Change of career.

Change by leaving where you are.

Now, I understand that many of us do not have the control to change much of the above.   I also acknowledge the “stuck-ness” many of us feel because we have responsibilities—family, home, financial obligations and realities. Not to mention the fact that we may have invested years of education and training into a career, only to find it different than what we expected. Or, we have climbed the “ladder” of our career, and found the rung we are on is nothing like we enjoyed in the beginning.  Change has a real cost, and in some cases, may not be possible. 

Still, based on conversations with leaders in various spheres–non-profits, business, and the church–and in reflecting on several transitions I’ve had in my life, I’ve heard some recurring themes when people are considering or needing a change.  

When our physical health is telling us to.  

One leader spoke of feeling their heart rate increase as they approached their office after some time away.  They felt a change in their body.  Other leaders report feeling a constant tightness in their chest, butterflies in their stomach, or lack of appetite while at work.   

Recent data by the Barna group:

Physical, emotional and mental health among pastors is lower than the general population…and notably behind practicing Christians. This is especially alarming since a leader’s wholeness is intertwined with their ministry, for better or for worse. Barna researchers have observed a strong link between pastors’ falling conviction in their vocational calling and a drop in their overall mental, emotional and even physical well-being. Pastors with diminished well-being may have a higher risk of burnout.  (see report here)

In my 25 years of being a pastor, I remember thinking that things like working out or taking time for exercise felt “selfish” amidst the many needs of people we were serving.  I’m sure the same is true for people in other professions.  Organizational culture may reward those who sacrifice everything for the mission, to the neglect of other priorities, even one’s health.  

Truth be told—a lot of us have learned to ignore or push past the physical signs until it’s simply not possible any more.  We say, “I don’t have time to be sick,”  and fuel ourselves with over-the-counter medications to mask the symptoms. Though intellectually we may agree that we are created in God’s image, with body, mind, and spirit, we often prioritize the mind or spirit and push past the signals our bodies may be sending.  

When was the last time you noticed what your body was telling you?

What are the signs you pay attention to that inform you that you’re pushing yourself too hard?

What do you want to change when it comes to your health?

THANK YOU!

I began raising financial support for this work in late 2023.  Now, as I begin 2026, I remain fully supported thanks to partners like you.  I will be needing to raise additional support in a few months, as several partners have had to change their giving over the past two years.  Thank you for making this work possible!

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Two years ago, I was preparing to preach my last sermon as senior pastor at Fremont Presbyterian Church, on Christmas Eve 2023 (the picture is from that very day!).  For 25 years, all I had trained for and worked in was that kind of work: being a pastor in a ministry or local church.  I had felt a longing to help those who were doing that kind of work, knowing very well what it was like.  I hoped to be “a pastor to pastors.” I know the challenges, joys, times of loneliness, having a sense of purpose and receiving affirmation, and much more. Two years ago, I didn’t know exactly what that work would look like, or who would want or need it.  

I see things differently now!  I am reminded of the words of Paul in his letter to the Ephesians:  

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…”

As we come to the end of 2025, I want to THANK YOU for considering supporting me in helping make my work possible.  You know I can’t share names, details, or photos of the people I’m caring for and coaching.  The confidentiality is important.  But the stories I hear are tragic, joyful, bewildering, inspiring, and hopeful. I often hear phrases like this:

“You’re the first person I’ve told this to…”

“I’ve never said this to anyone before.”

“I didn’t know who I could trust.”

I am now meeting on at least a monthly basis with: 

30 leaders, in 9 U.S. states and 4 countries.

They are:

10 associate pastors

9 senior or lead pastors

1 church planter

3 work in the marketplace

7 work in parachurch or other non-profit

I often receive calls from pastors, just needing to talk, run a leadership challenge by me, or celebrate a new development.

I check-in monthly with an additional sixteen leaders who serve with Standing Stone, in a new role as an Area Leader.  

I help lead two cohorts that meet monthly for encouragement and training.  One is a group of local pastors, and the other is a group of younger leaders who serve in various leadership roles in local non-profits. 

I am assisting an organization called The Barnabas Group vet new non-profits, both locally and internationally, that receive support and organizational problem-solving from local business leaders.  I also facilitate “ideation sessions,” where 8-10 business leaders help the executive directors of these non-profits move their organization forward in its mission.

Looking ahead to 2026!

Would you consider helping this work in 2026?  In order to keep up with what I’m doing, I have a goal of 10 new monthly donors in 2026.  

I understand that some people like to give one-time a year, and I would welcome annual giving as well!

If you serve an organization that can give matching gifts, would you consider asking?

If you serve a church with a budget to give towards new ministry, would you consider adding Standing Stone as a partner?  

If you’ve been blessed with a surplus in 2025, perhaps part of it could help support this work?

Please go to my giving page:

Burke, David

Look for a new Christmas picture of our whole family sometime soon!  We are traveling out to visit Hudson, my mom, and brother in the Washington, D.C. area for Christmas this year, and will take a new picture then!

Merry Christmas!

After being away from home for 13 out of the last 24 days, it is good to be home.

My time away has been both personal and professional:

• Speaking at a men’s retreat in Lake Tahoe for two churches.

• Parents’ weekend at San Diego State University, visiting our daughter McLean

• Speaking at a pastors’ retreat for 25 leaders in Grass Valley, CA.  

• Performing a wedding for a good friend in Pasadena, while squeezing in dinner with our son Crew (and roommate Eric!) at UCLA. 

Each place was beautiful in its own way.  But home is where I love to be.

When we are away from the place where we have a routine and a certain amount of the comforts of home, we begin to long for those things.  

When I spoke to the pastors at their retreat, one of the things we talked about was how hard it was for them to be “on” in so many places and for so many people.  I think one of the beautiful things about home is that we can let that go away for a time.  We talked about finding people and places where you feel “at home.”   

My hope is to be a place of “home” in conversation with these leaders.  Where they can be fully themselves.  Where they don’t have to be on.  Where they can relax and let go of the anxiety of leadership for a while.

Thank you for making this work possible.  As I approach the end of the year, I still need $25,000 in one-time or renewed annual giving to remain fully funded.  Many generous people helped me get there in 2024, and I hope that new people will join in this partnership to help leaders stay healthy and lead healthy work for their churches, non-profits and businesses.  If you as an individual, or your church, organization, or business, would like to support this work, I’d love to talk to you!      

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Ok, stay with me here. This is going down the rabbit hole of my brain a bit. I swear I remember watching “The Super Friends” cartoon as a kid, and I thought villain Lex Luthor said, “Resistance is Futile.” He and his cronies in the Legion of Doom were trying to take over a city, or the planet Earth, and they broadcast their sinister plot over some loudspeaker to the innocent citizenry. Side note: I often get mocked by my peers when I admit that my favorite SuperFriend was Green Lantern. The movie starring Ryan Reynolds didn’t help my cause at all. Just check out the reviews. Why did I like the Green Lantern? I don’t know, maybe because he wasn’t one of the main characters but often helped in key situations. Maybe it was the fact that it was whatever he imagined that turned into reality. I’ve got the Green Lantern T-shirt and everything. Anyway, back to Lex Luthor and “Resistance is Futile.” Turns out, Lex Luthor didn’t say that, if all the search engines and AI can be trusted. That phrase is attributed to the Borg in the Star Trek: Next Generation series, which I watched a little, but I grew up with the original Star Trek, with William Shatner playing James T. Kirk, Leonard Nimoy playing Spock, etc. So it wasn’t in SuperFriends. I got the villain part right.

The point is, I’ve been thinking about the idea of “resistance” a bit. I’m meeting with a number of leaders who are encountering different forms of resistance. They may be trying to bring change into their organization. They may be trying to create culture in a start-up. And it isn’t going the way they thought. I think that sometimes as leaders, we believe that when we announce our plans or vision, we expect everyone to immediately get on board and applaud our creativity. I know I didn’t understand that resistance is a natural part of leading change. Author and speaker Tod Bolsinger uses the word “sabotage” to describe this phenomenon. Sabotage sounds extreme, but listen to this quote:

“Sabotage is where people prefer the status quo to the transformation. And they resist the very transformation they’re asking you to leave them in...Sabotage is not the bad thing that evil people do, it is the human thing that anxious people do.“*

Encountering resistance is to be expected when we lead. It would be in our best interest not to try and Lex Luthor or “Borg it,” and just tell people that “resistance is futile.” Rather, as leaders, we begin to understand that resistance to change is natural and human, and can be a result of anxiety. It would be good for us to be curious about the resistance. What is this change bringing to people? What is it that people are concerned they might lose?

One of the great joys I have in coaching leaders is in letting them know this: that resistance is just what anxious people do. It is wise for us to learn from those feeling anxious about the change. The presence of resistance can be a call for us to examine exactly how we can take what is in our leadership imagination and turn it into a reality that brings health and growth. Hmmm…taking something imagined and making it a reality. It’s a little like being the Green Lantern.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

*https://careynieuwhof.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/CNLP_629-–With_Tod-Bolsinger.mp3.pdf. I also found Tod Bolsinger’s blog, written over 15 years ago(!) on disappointing people in leadership and expecting sabotage to be very helpful. https://bolsinger.blogs.com/weblog/2010/05/friendly-fire-the-prize-for-good-disappointing-leadership.html