ministry

Selfish

Posted on by davidjburke

This is a word I am hearing in conversations with leaders lately.  As in, “I don’t want to be selfish.” They go on to often talk about a dream, a passion, something for which they had more time.  When I ask them what is keeping them from pursuing those things, they often respond with this:  “I don’t want to appear selfish.”  It’s an interesting response.  After hearing it so often, I want to respond like the character Inigo Montoya to Vizzini in The Princess Bride: “I do not think that word means what you think it means!”

The picture above is what we often think of when we picture being “selfish.”  Children fighting over a toy.  Looking out only for their own interests and wants.  (I looked at a lot of images, but kept coming back to this one!)  

That is what makes the response of the leaders I meet with so interesting.  I hear a good dream and a deep passion, one that helps use the gifts of the leader and has the potential to bless many others.  It’s nothing like fighting over a toy, or just looking out for their own wants. Yet there is something in many leaders that feels like pursuing their dream is “selfish.”  Perhaps it is their current job description and daily responsibilities.  Or, their tendency to think of the health of the organization first, and their own wants much lower down the list.  Going deeper, I find that there is a core belief hidden in them that they actually don’t deserve to pursue their passions and dreams.  Whatever the reasons might be, often these beautiful visions are left untouched, because to do so is seen as “selfish.” 

I’m not necessarily speaking about those women and men who make sacrifices for others, whether it be a spouse, children, or extended family.   Placing dreams “on hold” for loved ones is a part of serving and loving others well.  But I’m hearing something different when I hear leaders say their dreams are “selfish.”  It isn’t the stage of life holding them back; it is a deeply held belief that comes from somewhere else. 

What about you?  What dream or passion have you left behind, because you once felt it was selfish to do so?  

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Recovery.

Posted on by davidjburke

I recently had surgery, and in a few days, will have another one.  When I went about informing people that I would be taking some days off to recover, everyone seemed to understand.  “Get better soon!”  “Hope all goes well!”  “Take the time you need!”  “No rush!”  We all understand the need for physical recovery. 

But what about other kinds of recovery?

Emotional?

Mental?

Spiritual?

I think our culture has made some headway in understanding emotional and mental health.  And more attention is being directed towards spiritual health. But speaking out loud about the need for these other kinds of recovery can be very difficult.   With the pastors and leaders I am listening to, their expressing a need for recovery can be risky. Asking for time off can be seen as weakness, and people may perceive them as not being “cut out” for this kind of leadership.  Some of it can be attributed to an ignorance of what pastors and ministry leaders do. There are still people who assume, for instance, that pastors only “work one day a week.”  

I read this article this morning about celiac disease (which I have), and I thought this particular segment applied here:  

People often report being dismissed or misunderstood when they say they feel mentally impaired after eating gluten. Employers, teachers, and even family members may not believe them or may assume it’s psychological.But acknowledging that the “glutened brain” is rooted in biology helps validate their experience. (article here).

What does this have to do with the need for recovery in leadership?  I found it interesting that those that report feeling “brain fog,” or mental impairment, or exhaustion assume it’s “psychological.”  But note how the idea that something is “rooted in biology” is more validating.  Does labeling things as “psychological” imply they are less valid?

As we are made in the image of God, I believe our physical, mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual selves are all valid.  Recovery for all those parts is vital. 

A personal illustration: I found towards the end of my work as a pastor that I often could not even remember what I spoke about the Sunday before.  I had learned to move on to the next week very quickly.  There was little recovery time, because “Sunday’s comin’!”  Pastors have been doing this for decades.  Many pastors have no choice but to keep plugging along, doing their best.  

Each profession and occupation, I’m sure, has its analogous experiences.  There are seasons of intense busyness, whether it be project completion, launch of new products, budget approval, going to trial, exam taking and grading—the list could go on and on.

The question for all of us is this:  

When we will validate the need for recovery time for ourselves and our teams?

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I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/