leadership

Selfish

Posted on by davidjburke

This is a word I am hearing in conversations with leaders lately.  As in, “I don’t want to be selfish.” They go on to often talk about a dream, a passion, something for which they had more time.  When I ask them what is keeping them from pursuing those things, they often respond with this:  “I don’t want to appear selfish.”  It’s an interesting response.  After hearing it so often, I want to respond like the character Inigo Montoya to Vizzini in The Princess Bride: “I do not think that word means what you think it means!”

The picture above is what we often think of when we picture being “selfish.”  Children fighting over a toy.  Looking out only for their own interests and wants.  (I looked at a lot of images, but kept coming back to this one!)  

That is what makes the response of the leaders I meet with so interesting.  I hear a good dream and a deep passion, one that helps use the gifts of the leader and has the potential to bless many others.  It’s nothing like fighting over a toy, or just looking out for their own wants. Yet there is something in many leaders that feels like pursuing their dream is “selfish.”  Perhaps it is their current job description and daily responsibilities.  Or, their tendency to think of the health of the organization first, and their own wants much lower down the list.  Going deeper, I find that there is a core belief hidden in them that they actually don’t deserve to pursue their passions and dreams.  Whatever the reasons might be, often these beautiful visions are left untouched, because to do so is seen as “selfish.” 

I’m not necessarily speaking about those women and men who make sacrifices for others, whether it be a spouse, children, or extended family.   Placing dreams “on hold” for loved ones is a part of serving and loving others well.  But I’m hearing something different when I hear leaders say their dreams are “selfish.”  It isn’t the stage of life holding them back; it is a deeply held belief that comes from somewhere else. 

What about you?  What dream or passion have you left behind, because you once felt it was selfish to do so?  

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

The Case For Coaching

Posted on by davidjburke

I’ve had coaches that have changed my life. That is not an exaggeration. They listened well. They asked powerful questions. They noticed when I kept using certain words or phrases, being curious about why those were so important. They introduced me to tools and concepts that revealed blind spots in me. They helped me discern major transitions. My coaches’ presence and influence in my life are a part of the reason why I wanted to coach.

Football season has kicked off, and with it, came the debuts of some coaches.  It’s a very tough profession, as every game can lead to media pundits speculating who is on a “hot seat” and in danger of losing their job.  I drive a carpool for my middle-school son and two friends every morning, and we often listen to sports radio. I have often asked these guys in the car, “Can you imagine being talked about every morning on the radio–your failures being analyzed over and over again, and broadcast to thousands of people?” Certainly resilience and short-term, “goldfish-like” memory, are needed in this line of work.

What is the gift that good coaching brings?  How do we measure coaching, especially when the metrics aren’t obvious in a win and loss column? Can coaches actually help leaders flourish?

Consider some recent research on one group of leaders—local church pastors:    

In Barna’s recent report, The State of Pastors, Volume 2, data shows that pastors are struggling the most with their mental and emotional well-being—just 17 percent are flourishing in this area. Relational flourishing is the next lowest, with just a quarter of pastors (25%) scoring well in this area. Financial flourishing sits at 41 percent, and just under half of pastors (48%) are flourishing in their vocation.

Some of you may be asking: What does flourishing mean?

Barna partnered with Harvard Human Flourishing to outline a number of life categories:  spiritual, mental, emotional, financial, and vocational.  Flourishing refers to a holistic measure of someone’s life across multiple dimensions—Barna uses the term “whole person health.” There is an interconnectedness of these practical domains in our lives.

The research on pastors by Barna shows this:  that while pastors score high in terms of spiritual flourishing (75%), nearly every other category scores much lower.  

When you combine this with other data that shows the respect or perceived authority of pastors within society declining—it once was 65% and now is around 45%—and that over 60% of pastors describe themselves as experiencing regular feelings of loneliness, the picture of pastoral flourishing is troubling. 

This begs a series of questions:  what exactly is happening? Are pastors so focused on certain aspects of their work that they are neglecting other dimensions of their lives, leading to lower reports of flourishing?  Are pastors not embracing their human limitations and believing unrealistic expectations of what they are to do? Are there systemic issues within the role of being a pastor in North America that lead to a lack of flourishing?  What can be done about it?

The answers are multifaceted and complex. But mentoring and coaching are part of the solution. Empirical studies in youth and education, medical training, sports, executive coaching and the workplace all find the same thing: having a mentor or coach reduces burnout and increases fulfillment, psychological safety, and individual and organizational flourishing.

I hope that this doesn’t come across simply as a “case for what I do.”  Instead, I can tell you from the past year of doing this work that I see the need, and the benefit, of a trusted coach or mentor in the lives of leaders.  The leaders I meet with show up for meetings, in-person and virtually, eager to talk.  They report back with excitement when an idea we’ve discussed gets implemented and succeeds.  They express gratitude for images and metaphors we’ve developed together that help them stay healthy.

Ask yourself this:  whatever job you have, or had in your life:  how might a coach have helped you grow in that role?  How did a coach help you grow in that role? 

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Support System

Posted on by davidjburke

Leaders need a healthy support system. And, it seems that pastors and ministry leaders might be uniquely challenged to find such support. Consider this from a recent article by Barna Research: 

“Recent research highlighted in Barna’s State of the Church initiative uncovers some concerning patterns: half of all pastors receive no professional support, and their lowest flourishing scores appear in areas where human connection matters most—relationships and well-being.”

The Barna research included mentors, advisors, coaches and counselors in their definition of support.  The relationships I have with leaders are a mix between coaching, counseling, spiritual direction, and mentoring.  It all depends on the person.  What I love about serving within Standing Stone is that I know I have a network of trained therapists, counselors, and spiritual directors I can call on if I sense that the leader I am meeting with needs more particular support.

Now, after doing this work for the past 18 months, I have found this to be true:  pastors, ministry leaders, non-profit leaders, and businesspeople need this support system.  

Cohorts!

Cohorts also provide support!  The two pictures above are from the last week.  The top one is the group of Sacramento-area pastors I have been meeting with for the past year. This is from our annual retreat on a night we went out to dinner together. Together with fellow Standing Stone staff member Kyle Waggoner, we meet monthly for sharing stories, leadership conversations, encouragement, challenge, and sharpening one another.

The bottom picture is from a new group that just began meeting last week.   Brian Dowd, founder of Next Step Coach and managing partner of The Barnabas Group, invited me to co-lead this group of younger parachurch leaders.  It’s called the “Rising Leaders” program, a new initiative aimed at helping equip the next generation of leaders already serving in ministries like Young Life, World Relief, Youth For Christ, and local homeless and recovery organizations.  

Recovery Update: With two kidney surgeries and two endoscopies behind me, I am feeling much better!  Thank you for your prayers and messages you sent while I was recovering.  

Fundraising Update: Thanks to a handful of new monthly donors, the generous ministry partner who offered to match the gift has matched those gifts, and says, “Keep going!”  He is still willing to match up to $175 more per month in new monthly gifts.  I had 24 people give a one-time gift in 2024, and I am contacting them to see about giving again in 2025.  If you are one of those people, would you consider giving a monthly gift that would be matched? Over 44% of my 2024 support came from one-time or annual gifts.  I have received nearly 40% of that so far in 2025. If you have not given yet, would you consider giving monthly to help reach the matching goal?  You are my support system!  THANK YOU FOR BEING MY SUPPORT SYSTEM!

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/

Recovery.

Posted on by davidjburke

I recently had surgery, and in a few days, will have another one.  When I went about informing people that I would be taking some days off to recover, everyone seemed to understand.  “Get better soon!”  “Hope all goes well!”  “Take the time you need!”  “No rush!”  We all understand the need for physical recovery. 

But what about other kinds of recovery?

Emotional?

Mental?

Spiritual?

I think our culture has made some headway in understanding emotional and mental health.  And more attention is being directed towards spiritual health. But speaking out loud about the need for these other kinds of recovery can be very difficult.   With the pastors and leaders I am listening to, their expressing a need for recovery can be risky. Asking for time off can be seen as weakness, and people may perceive them as not being “cut out” for this kind of leadership.  Some of it can be attributed to an ignorance of what pastors and ministry leaders do. There are still people who assume, for instance, that pastors only “work one day a week.”  

I read this article this morning about celiac disease (which I have), and I thought this particular segment applied here:  

People often report being dismissed or misunderstood when they say they feel mentally impaired after eating gluten. Employers, teachers, and even family members may not believe them or may assume it’s psychological.But acknowledging that the “glutened brain” is rooted in biology helps validate their experience. (article here).

What does this have to do with the need for recovery in leadership?  I found it interesting that those that report feeling “brain fog,” or mental impairment, or exhaustion assume it’s “psychological.”  But note how the idea that something is “rooted in biology” is more validating.  Does labeling things as “psychological” imply they are less valid?

As we are made in the image of God, I believe our physical, mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual selves are all valid.  Recovery for all those parts is vital. 

A personal illustration: I found towards the end of my work as a pastor that I often could not even remember what I spoke about the Sunday before.  I had learned to move on to the next week very quickly.  There was little recovery time, because “Sunday’s comin’!”  Pastors have been doing this for decades.  Many pastors have no choice but to keep plugging along, doing their best.  

Each profession and occupation, I’m sure, has its analogous experiences.  There are seasons of intense busyness, whether it be project completion, launch of new products, budget approval, going to trial, exam taking and grading—the list could go on and on.

The question for all of us is this:  

When we will validate the need for recovery time for ourselves and our teams?

MATCHING GIFT OPPORTUNITY

If you have never given, given once, or given annually, and would like to shift to monthly giving, you can have your gift matched!  A generous donor has offered to match new monthly gifts, and there is still time to do this! Click here to donate.

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/