I was in the hospital last week. It was not expected. I was going about my day of meetings, returned home, and began to feel a bit unusual. I felt confused, with some difficulty remembering things. Kelsey suggested me calling my doctor. The next thing I remember, I was on a video call, with Kelsey by my side, and the nurse suggested we go to the hospital. Once there, I described my symptoms to a group of doctors and nurses, with some help from Kelsey. A battery of tests followed—an MRI, CT scan, X-ray, bloodwork. To be safe, they kept me overnight. The next day, a neurologist ran some more tests, including an EEG. According to all those tests, they find me in good health.

It turns out I suffered my second episode of “transient global amnesia.” You can look it up. Each doctor told me that what is interesting and frustrating about this diagnosis are these things:

• There is no certain cause.
• There is nothing necessarily to be done to prevent it
• It is likely it will never happen again, as I have had two of these episodes now. (the first one was a few years ago).  It is extremely rare to happen a third time.

The main experience of the episode, which lasts several hours, is an inability to remember things in the short-term. I kept asking Kelsey the same questions, like “Why am I here in the hospital?” “How much longer will I be here?” But the underlying experience for me was a feeling of being completely out of control. 

I don’t think of myself as someone who “needs” to be in control (though I’m sure I am unaware of many places where I live differently!). But, I can honestly say I really didn’t like the feeling of being so out of control. To be unaware that I had just asked the same question of Kelsey moments before was very disconcerting, even embarrassing. To not know how long I would be kept in the hospital, to simply wait for the next test, the next doctor to visit, all was very uncomfortable, to say the least.

Some of you have had a similar experience, I’m sure. Or you care for someone who is battling a chronic disease. You are well aware of medical tests and treatments, doctors and nurses, hospitals, and waiting. And with that, the feeling of being out of control. 

The leaders I meet with often speak of this same experience. Not transient global amnesia, of course. But being out of control. In other words, they have this persistent sense they don’t have the agency to make necessary changes. Whether it be in their work-life balance, or their organizations. They report to me that it is sometimes a crisis that reveals how little control they truly have. Most of the leaders I serve primarily work with people. It is interesting how often the causes of this “out of control” feeling are the unexpected behaviors and decisions that other people make, and their reactions to their leadership. These leaders say something or change something, and find themselves all of a sudden in a maelstrom of hostility. What should they do in such a situation? Often I try to point out to those I am listening to how they are reacting to that sense of loss of control, and where they may be simply trying to seize more control. 

Unlike my trip to the hospital, where I sent through a battery of tests to declare me “healthy,” leaders do not necessarily have something like a “leadership EEG” to declare them healthy. And, truth be told, every leader has areas of unhealth in them. Good leadership depends on wise counsel from mentors, coaches, co-workers, and board members to speak into their patterns of leading, diagnosing and pointing out the unhealthy parts, and prescribing the right things to bring health again. 

END OF YEAR CAMPAIGN

I want to humbly ask if you would be willing to give towards my year-end goal, to help keep doing this work of providing care and coaching for leaders. I am aiming to raise $25,000 in one-time gifts, and a $1,000 increase in monthly giving. Reaching those two goals will keep in the “fully-funded” category for 2026.  I can tell you what a gift it is to be able to offer this coaching and care for free to many leaders. I have also received a generous offer from a new donor who will match up to $1,000 in new or renewed gifts. If you as an individual, or the company you work for has a matching gift program, or the church you attend or serve would be willing to consider giving at year-end or as part of the budget for 2026, I would be extremely grateful. Click on the link below!

I am serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for over twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/