Leaders need to vomit.  Think of me as the bucket.  

Well, a bucket that talks back…and asks good questions.  

I didn’t know that having six kids would be good preparation for coaching and caring for leaders.  Kelsey and I remember a season in which multiple kids in our home had the stomach flu at once.  We set up reclining camp chairs on hardwood floors where they could watch TV, and gave them a “bucket.”  Like the one pictured above.  

What does this have to do with my work?  Simply this: I have noticed recently how often leaders will pour out something on their mind and heart, pause, and then say:

“I’m sorry to vomit that all over you.”

It is the same over and over again.  

“Wow, I didn’t mean to vomit all of that on you.”

“Thanks for letting me vomit all of that on you.”

It’s an interesting choice of words, isn’t it?  When we finally have a chance to talk to someone we can trust, someone who listens intentionally, we find ourselves pouring out all kinds of things we’ve been holding in.  That is what I am finding as I begin more of my work with leaders in different spheres.  Intentional listening plus powerful questions often unlock things deep inside of us.  Things that need to get out.  

And, like we often feel when we are physically sick, there is something about talking out loud—“vomiting all of that”—that makes us feel better.  I often will ask, “As you hear yourself saying that, what comes to mind?”  The answers bring insight, new thinking, and often new commitments to change.  

I count it a privilege to be the bucket that listens, asks questions, and makes observations that lead to growth.  

(And did everyone else grow up with using a stainless steel bowl?)

I am now serving with a ministry called Standing Stone, which has aimed for twenty years to provide a space for free, confidential coaching and care for pastors, ministry leaders, and leaders of every sphere. Standing Stone believes that healthy leaders need companions on their leadership journey, and that healthy leaders will lead healthy organizations that help transform their communities. You can learn more here: https://standingstoneministry.org/shepherd/burke-david/